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L.A. and then I did this, and then I did this, and then…
- del.ico.us
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- Last edited: 21:02, Jun 13 2007
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The great anthropological experiment that is exploring L.A. and how/why on earth people live here.
Ah the internet (or lack of accessibility). If I am not careful I will forget everything before I have a chance to write it down - I am making notes in a book in case. I also have yet to find somewhere cheap enough with a fast enough connection to upload photos - they are coming. I am also writing like a schizophrienic in multiple tenses as I either recollect or pretend I am there - bear with me.
No the Real Mummybot (aka Graeme Demmocks) I am not lost in the states :) I am perfectly happy fumbling my way from tourist destination to tourist destination. So here goes on a blow by blow.
Plane lands. I got up from my seat (kidding). I got through customs in 30 minutes. So much for full body cavity searches and sniffer dogs. There was an inordinate number of American flags either hanging from the ceilings or attached to every piece of official signage. I think they just wanted travellers to be sure of what country they had landed in. The first conversation I had with a real live U.S. citizen on U.S. soil (who wasn’t a customs official) first asked me for a donation - I had no currency - so he replied ‘God be with you’. Money and religion, welcome to America.
Day One
I arrived at the hostel in Santa Monica at 8am in the morning having not slept for over 20 hours (Brisbane city to airport, check in, 12.5 hour flight, customs, shuttle to Santa Monica) and they told me I wasn’t able to check in till 2pm. Absolutely shagged I wandered around looking at homeless people, getting ripped off by shopkeepers buying the wrong prepay mobile phone package, and watching the the inaugaral international football game at the new Wembley Stadium between England and Brazil. The commentary was in Espanol as only latinos watch football in the California Republic. At 2pm I slept, but only for three hours as I didn’t want to sleep right through the evening. I found the local supermarket which reinforced everything I have read and heard about American food. Processed food is cheaper than non-processed food. The vegetables are disgusting compared to New Zealand - they are either obviously irradiated (too shiny and huge), or drab from sitting in a truck travelling for miles. I also had my first experience with ‘tax’. All labelled prices exclude tax, which for a person on a budget makes budgeting very difficult. There is no pattern to whether stores include or exclude tax (most exclude) so I have ended up assuming to pay extra for everything and to be then pleasantly surprised. Cooking dinner (I made nachos) I got to talking with, yes another Pom called Jamie. We decided to spend day two following each other around L.A..
Day Two
Little did Jamie know when we agreed to this that I was going to drag him to the Getty Art Museum. He didn’t know a thing about art before he started, but he really enjoyed himself (his words, not mine). Subtlety is not an American strong point but when they do things well they do it on a massive scale. The Getty art museum is modern in its architecture and canonical in its gallery. 
The buildings themselves are awesome in the true sense of the word. White marble glaring in the L.A. sun (we got a couple of hours), open plazas with large water features (this isn’t Australia with a water shortage), Stanley Kubrick style lifts, stainless steel bathrooms. It surprised me with such a modern style building that they actually had no work beyond late 1800s. None. I was quite disappointed in the land of post-modernity.
We left the Getty to head to Downtown. The city centre of L.A. is called ‘Downtown’ and I seem to be the only one who finds this amusing. As the city centre of a greater metropolitan area of 20 million people I wasn’t impressed. One tenth of the buildings are boarded up or abandoned and there are more big skyscrapers in Auckland (not as tall though). 
Our first stop was to walk up Broadway which as the name sounds once was the theatre equivalent of New York’s Broadway. Now the grand old theatres are facades for latino bric-a-brac stalls and burrito joints. The street has a permanent market atmosphere and was the only part of Downtown that felt alive. We continued to wander around seeing sites and ticking boxes. One very famous building is thee Walt Disney Theatre. To look at it is like looking at a polished Syndey Opera House through a kaleidescope.
Travelling back to Santa Monica on the bus took just over an hour. On a map they look so close - did I mention earlier that the city is huge? Most of the journey is also along one street only, Santa Monica Boulevard. I worked out on a map that if you take distance covered by the greater L.A. metropolitan area from North to South along the coast, and then added that distance to the bottom of L.A. it would stretch farther than San Diego. Every American I have told this factoid to first stares at me in disbelief and then is not surprised.
Jamie and I met another English pair (they were just friends travelling) called Dave and Gemma. We proceeded to a sports bar where Jamie and Dave got royally pissed in the way the English do. I now know all about ‘chavs’ or Cheltenham Averages as I was subsequently told by other English people I met in San Francisco. Since Jamie was heading off Dave, Gemma and I decided to follow each other around for the next couple of days.
Day Three
Hollywood! I was expecting it to be as the rumours stated, a rundown sleazy, sex shop lined, drug infested neighbourhood with some tacky star signs. Instead it is just a crap neighbourhood with a few sex shops and tack everywhere - thoroughly underwhelming. I did get my first glimpse of the Hollywood sign.
With the Hollywood box ticked we travelled back to Downtown where we wandered some more. Dave and I bought matching straw hats at the Olivera Street market. Someone (not us) set fire to a trash can outside the Walt Disney Theatre and I got the firemen to pose for me on their truck. Yes I am six.
On the bas ride back I was sat next to a guy with a cast on his leg. I asked him how he broke it. It wasn’t broken, he replied, he got shot by a 19 year old whilst walking down Hollywood Boulevard. Interesting fellow.
For dinner Dave and I worked on Gemma (or rather dictated) that we were getting greasy chicken wings at Hooters. Cute chicks in tight tops and hot pants serving greasy heart attacks on plates. What more could a red blooded male want right? Box tick.
Day Four
The three of us set off for Universal Studios for an action packed day of thrills and spills in the ‘Entertainment Capital of L.A.’ - seeing as L.A. is the centre of the Universe. I expected a theme park with rides, and considering my anthropogical motives for going to this city hell-sprawl, it much better. There are no rides at Universal Studios. Rather it is one giant advertisement for Universal that you can interact with. 
Did you know that Universal made Back to the Future, Jurassic Park, The Mummy Returns, countless horror movies, and lots of TV shows that you love and watch? You didn’t? Well on this ride, let us show you a 15 minute video ripped from the DVD extras narrated by Richie Cunningham, you might remember him from such shows as Happy Days and well he didn’t do anything else except direct Backdraft, and then show you some flames for 2 minutes and make a whole lot of noise. Did you LOVE the ride? You didn’t? Well that is okay cause we have your fingerprint which you used as the unique identifier to open the locker in which to store your stuff and we know where you live. One word to describe Universal Studios, spectacle. Seeing the giant plastic Jaws jump out of a pond was pretty cool. $57 dollars later…
Day Five
Dave and Gemma left L.A. to go to not-San Diego as they couldn’t find any hostel accommodation in the entire city. San Diego is apparently very nice and incidently very popular. I spent the day wandering around Venice Beach on a lovely cloudy day. I have had no full days of sun since arriving which I am assured is uncharacteristic of L.A.. Venice beach is covered in graffiti and has lots of eclectic street stalls. After Universal this place exudes personality. I can only imagine what it would be like in the sun. I nearly creamed myself finding a fashion hat store that had more styles of hat then I knew existed. Luckily since I already had a pimp straw hat I was able to resist. I walked back up Venice Beach to Santa Monica which took about 45 minutes.
The morning of Day Six
The first really sunny day in L.A. since I arrived, so I hopped on a shuttle to leave. The point of staying in a hostel at Santa Monica one block from the beach was to use the beach. Insert a four letter word starting with f. At least on the ride out I got to see that there are views in L.A., I could even see the Hollywood sign from Downtown. The hills actually make the city seem not so concrete sprawl as there is very little development on them. Too bad I am leaving just in time for the weather to clear up. I am one month into my summer travel and I have had 3 days of full sunshine (Sydney and Toowoomba). San Francisco better be good…
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